Just Getting Use To It

There are a lot of changes in normal life.
It seems once you get use to a certain thing, it shifts-a little or a lot.
My favorite example is crawling.  It starts out all shaky, and then oh, so fast!
Time to learn to walk.  One step, then two but it is so much slower than doing what we already know how to do it.

I don't know a single person who would encourage a child to go back to crawling, because you were better at it, you were faster, you just seemed to have a knack for it or any other reason, including getting hurt by falling.  Somewhere along the line, we expect to be good at new things just because we were good at others, it just doesn't work that way.

Now, I am learning new things, and it is frustrating and painful, not wrong just...slow. I guess, I just have to get use to it.

Wandering Ponders

Some things are easier to figure out than others...
Late at night, when the rest of the world is sleeping, I ponder
Why do we care more about sports than people?
How do we turn the political machine around?
Why do siblings have such different world views?
Why do people give animals people names and name children unpronounceable names?
Why will we talk about sex but not money?
Why do friends like to be called sisters or brothers, when they don't speak to their own?
Why will we know more about television characters than our families?
Why isn't it an insult?
Why do some people never move or change jobs?
How can you repaint a room the same color?
Why is my life inverted?

I have figured out the perfect amount to win in the lottery, and I know exactly how I'd spend it.
I know why the caged bird sings.
I don't know why I am s
 The one willing to struggle with these questions.

Sassy

Some, in fact-many, people say there are no stupid questions.  Perhaps, but there are some questions that cannot be asked at all.  They are too argumentative, or personal, or offensive.  As a child, I was often told by my parents not to "sass" them.  To this day I don't really know what it means. Every time I asked, I'd be accused of doing it so since my question was sincere, when I looked it up in the dictionary I just got confused or upset...and don't even think about trying to defend yourself...evidently that is sassy as well.

One day after the U.S? Elections, I find myself with another "unaskable" question. Why are the winners claiming that their landslide victory doesn't require them to do anything besides, and I quote, "Stop Obama" As elected officials, do they just get a free pass on doing anything at all? The new guys haven't even been sworn in. Isn't six years of logjam enough? Why are we allowing this? I only say we because I am American, and they won.  I just don't understand why.  I don't understand why we allowed them to stonewall while the country staggered under the burden of poor leadership.

Yes, President Obama failed in this major area.  He could not budge them, so whether you think it's right or wrong, it is a major failure of the president.  I can accept that, but how does that mean that we are going to allow this supermajority to do nothing and call that victory.  I really don't understand how people that told us they weren't going to allow the government to function, and then didn't not only did not go to prison for treason, but took the majority? It is a major mystery to me...but then, perhaps I'm just being sassy, again.

Somewhere Out There

The animals are sound asleep, the heater is blowing making my pajamas too hot, though my feet, hands and nose are still cold.  I cannot seem to decide if I should turn it up or turn it off, so I stay where I am and eventually it shuts itself off.

I am wondering about the future. Now is the perfect moment for me to begin anew and burst open a whole new phase of my life. I have prepared myself, my life, my home and only wait for, wait for...wait for me.  After a few false starts, I retreated into rereading books that I love as if they would awaken in me the knowing of what I am to do.

I do not expect it to be seamless, problem free or perfect, but I do expect to know, with some certainty that it is what I really want to do. Half finished projects fill the corners of my studio, and other places where they are out of the way until...until I have the resources to finish them, the desire for completion that eludes me now.

I want that burning desire that ruled me for so long that I did not know it could ever not be there. I want the rush of energy that lead me to do the most amazing things in my life.  Things that people don't believe that I've done.  It doesn't matter.

I want to have sex again, but I can't bring myself to date.  It's a problem. I want my passion back.
My life is pleasant now, not erratic or unhappy, just a little bland for my taste.  How do I stoke the fires of desire without setting myself aflame? What I am doing now matters.  It will all come together and I will have done all the necessary preparations, in the meantime...I will wait in quiet contemplation, as the animals wait for me to join them in sweet slumber.